Some years ago, you crossed great distance to join us,
All started well but soon you started wondering if you’re in a circus.
Jumping from one hoop to another,
You managed not to falter.
As you started to find your purpose,
The conditions just got worse.
You had enough and can’t take anymore.
This nonsense has to stop so as to stop the fall.
Your wings have grown yet they are broken,
Your dreams weren’t complete and aspiration forsaken.
You leave this place, not with pride but with broken ego;
So I pray that you’ll find hope, press on to reach your goal.
My head is spinning yet I was not being tossed around. Not yet. The more I think about what I need to do, the more I am running away in the opposite direction. I saw all these preparations (to unclutter) coming and had an understanding how it would be. Yet when the time comes to carry out the procedures, I feel I am not ready. Not yet. I wanted it so much but now I wish that it is not going to be so soon. Not yet.
When I was living in Singapore, I wanted to work and live abroad. When I relocated to Sydney, I lamented why I do not have a job that allows me to travel non-stop. That instant has now arrived: I have to shuttle between Asia and Australia. However, I start to feel that this nomadic lifestyle is bringing about some hassles.
God has been good to me. He listens to what I want to try or have, even to those quiet whispers in my heart. I recognise that I could not have attained all these opportunities with my own merits. God has been continually providing for me, and at times, indulging me. He made everything seems so effortless, which demonstrated it has to be His divine interventions.
How should I respond? I accept. I learn to be thankful and contented. Whenever my mind goes into a frenzy mode, churning out the details that I need to work through, I have learnt to deliberately stop all the jazz and be still. Why would God not have taken care of the details, too? Of course He does! When He gives, He spares nothing. I should know. I have seen and experienced the fine touches of His blessings.
It is ironical that at the moment I attained my permanent residency, I will be spending less time in the country. Acquiring this privilege is not an easy feat these days; and definitely not cheap. The Australian bureaucracy really made the candidates jump through high hoops. It may be easier to come by the boats. Miraculously, I got it and the wait was not even long. Now that I have received this revered visa, I wonder what I wanted it for. I thought that it is good to have it and He made it possible. I supposed I can rejoice that I am no longer an alien in this great land down under.
Despite trying to use this writing to calm down, my head is still spinning. Casting my vision into the upcoming future I am beginning to see the fun parts – the good parts. I will not be fixated in a single location; at least, I will not stay long enough to see the uglier side of things. I get to be circulated around the regional offices. A lot of excitements are building up. But right at this moment, I just want to be still. I need this moment to count my blessings.