art dusk

The Rooster Crowed

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He was warming himself at the fire in the courtyard. A girl appeared and asked him if he knows the offender.

He muttered a denial and hurried away. Did I hear a rooster’s crow? Is it already dawn?

His mind is still trying to comprehend the night’s procession.

Looking up, he realised eyes were staring at him and the crowd was muttering something about him.

“He’s one of them.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’ve seen you with him.” “No. I don’t know him.”

The rooster crowed again. This time, Peter heard it clearly, broke down and cried.

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Time

Nearing 35

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In my teenage years, whenever I try to imagine what I would be when I grow older, I will always picture a 23 years old bloke driving a convertible down along a coastal road. That to me is an image of a well-accomplished adult. Hence, I cannot really understand or reconcile what became of me since 2002. Not only am I not well-accomplished, I do not own a car and I have yet to learn how to drive.

When I started pre-school, mum and dad were in their late twenties and I thought 30 years old is considered old age. Yet when I celebrated my 30th birthday, I felt like I was still a child. I believe one of the filial piety acts is to let my mum mother me, however old I am.  Her recent chants are “you’re not young anymore” and “you need to seriously plan and prepare for your future”. Yet, that is follow by the “have you eaten” and “don’t stay out too late” chorus. In parents’ hearts, they look forward to their children all grown up; in their eyes, their children will never grow up.

Friends around me have started to get married and I have lost count of the wedding receptions that I have attended the last decade. The ceremonies are pretty much the same (read: unoriginal). Good food and reunions are what I look forward to. These days, it has become impossible to meet up with school mates outside of these heavily-planned events. After all, weddings are still better events to host school reunions than funerals. Of course, there are the baby showers which I am usually and coincidentally out of town.

Having lived in cities outside of Singapore only makes me want to stay away from my own country even more. My first overseas stint was in 2008 when I was seconded to Bangkok. While I was only working full-time in the Bangkok office for half a year, the subsequent year of monthly travel back up, allowed me to nurture my love for this city of angels. Till date, whenever I have a chance to visit Singapore, I will always sneak in a side trip to Bangkok. I have now lived in Sydney for more than two years. Fortunately, there is a good community of Thai people and food here to continuously feed my obsession for things Thai. My best mate is Thai. To me, he is more Aussie than Thai since he lived here for the last decade. But I shall settle.

As much as I want a greater certainty on what is to come in the next few years – specifically if I will and can still stay in Sydney – I do not wish to force out a decision. I have been receiving remarks asking me to return back to Singapore. Yet ironically, these friends will not meet me more often than now even if I would to live in Singapore. Modern telecommunication and social media platforms have allowed me to keep in touch with people whether they are staying miles away or on the move when they travel. My conversations with some close mates never cease whether I am residing in Sydney or travelling in Laos; whether I am at work or in commute.

While I still live in denial and still looking forward to reach my ideal 23; the real me at 34, automatically inherit the mindset that I better start to plan for the future. Defiantly, I shall plan not to have any major plans for the next one year… till I am 35!

real-world

The real world goes like this…

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The real world goes like this: what goes up must come down. The real world is being governed by gravity and other forces. In order to survive and emerge well, one needs to know the rules and regulations that govern the life game. One needs to acknowledge the hand that moves the pawn. Even if you are the mighty queen, it does not mean you would not be sacrificed. There is still a mightier one and there is always a more previous one.

Meandering in the real world is smooth sailing if you are in the dominant wind direction. It becomes harsh when you are the salmon swimming upstream. Yes, you were certain that it is your calling when you started the pilgrimage. Yet, when you see the black bear along the gravity-defying climb, you are bound to doubt. Even so, many will arrive at their destination. Then, they earned their rights to spawn. The cycle continues.

paints

Goals, Expectations and Clarifications for XXXXX

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Hi XXXXX,

Thank you for sharing your honest expectations and frustrations during our discussion yesterday. I have provided the feedback to XXXXX and XXXXXXX. After digesting through, I decide to clarify some of the points mentioned by listing them down. You’ve again mentioned that you are not given clearer goals. So I’ll also describe them clearer.

I’m copying XXXXX and XXXXXXX so that we can all be on the same page. If my expectations are out of line or insufficient, they can jump in.

Expectations of a Catalogue Manager

– The qualitative goal will be to take ownership of the Merchandise Product Line and make it successful.

— Constantly improve the portfolio of the product offers; that would mean a constant review on their performance.

— Ensure that the stock is sufficient and minimise reduntancies, that would mean to monitor the various campaigns that Merchandise products are featured.

— Improve any practices that can enhance the sales output from product registration to product ordering to supplier negotiations, etc.

— Ensure the promotion materials (DM/eDM formats and catalogues) are good-looking, show images that bring out the best of the products and effective selling copies.

– The quantitative goals are as specified in the XXXXX and to ensure the profitability of the product line.

– Since this a Catalogue Manager position that you’re fulfilling, I’d expect that you have to perform far more than the Assistant Product Managers and Marketing Assitants in the office.

While I know it’s not an easy product line to handle and it’s very hands-on to acquire the products, I believe your previous experience should help you succeed.

Working Hours

You mentioned that you’re paid a 8am-5pm job. I’d like to correct this understanding. You’re paid to be a Catalogue Manager to undertake all the duties and responsibilities to contribute to our corporate goals. There should be some flexibility in the hours. There are times which you may be required to work longer hours or have meetings/calls beyond the prescribed working hours.

At the same time, I will understand that you may need time-offs to rest or to attend to urgent personal matters.

Bringing home artwork to check isn’t a demonstration of your passion for the job. It’s just part of the job to get the task complete on time.

Efficiency

It’s good that you strive to work efficiently. However, efficiency is not just measured by speed. Work smart and not just work fast i.e. zooming to complete the work fast without reaching the satisfied requirements.

You mentioned that there are a lot of difficulty maintaining consistency with the work requirements with the Marketing Services and Operations team. If this is only happening to you, perhaps you might want to have a chat with the rest of the campaign managers on how they dealt with the issues.

Giving the benefit of doubt that this is not only happening to you but to everyone, I’ve already raised this and other issues to XXXXX. While he works with XXXXX and XXXXX to iron out the problems, we will just need to fight through the battles as they come. I would like to suggest that you try to communicate more with them. You may have to even provide leadership to them and have them buy-in to what you’re trying to achieve.

There will always be situations that decisions will need to be make based on insufficient knowledge. When you encounter new projects that you’re not familiar with, start early and think through more. I always welcome discussions. But I aim not to spoon-feed and dish out solutions when you meet any roadblocks. So do come to the discussions with suggestions on how to proceed. I genuinely don’t believe that you’ll be penalised for making mistakes but you will be frowned on for not being proactive.

You shouldn’t aim to have less mistakes by doing less. I believe you can learn from mistakes. No doubt that might mean a lot of work to rectify them. But all these should be the feedbacks to the efficiency equation to allow you to make better decisions in future.

Contradictions

You raised that there are conflicts in ideas and changes. I can only offer a cliche: Change is the only constant thing. While our company and business needs might be changing faster than anywhere else, that would mean to succeed, one has be even more adept.

In fact, I’ve mentioned to you that if you can identify any improvements, you should aim to apply it. If not, you just have to comply to the systems and process complications that we can’t avoid…at least at this point in time.

There are battles here that I’ve been fighting since 6 years ago. Every now and then, I’ll bring it out to give it a good flog. Do not just suggest or propose, see that they are carried out. I’ve heard many good suggestions from you but I’ve yet to see you carry them out.

Appearance

This is not my biggest concern but it has been brought to my attention. So here goes my two cents. While there isn’t a need to be suit and tie all the time, I’d suggest that you put on a sharper attire for most of the working days. This will help you to assert a better image to co-workers and business partners. Not sure why you switched from the more professional attires you’re in when you first join, to just t-shirt and jeans on a daily basis. My philosophy is not to dress for the position you are in, but to dress for the position you want to be in.

I hope I’ve helped to bring clarity to your goals and the expectations of the position you’re in. It’s not my style to micro-manage you or cramp your working habits. However, I’ll need you to step up from where you currently are to be a more competent Catalogue Manager.

I really need a team mate that can strive to attain excellence and support me to attain the business goals set for the team. Not sure if all what I’ve mentioned is still in line with what you’re looking for in a career here in XX. As XXXXX will be away for three weeks, let’s have a catch-up when he’s back. In the mean time, feel free to talk to me about it.

Best regards,

XXXXXXX

dreams

Dream A Dream…

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For your dreams to come true, you need to first know exactly what they are, before you can even start working towards in achieving them.

Living in an era that accelerates processes and emphasizes the present, makes it difficult to know what one can expect in the future. In fact, “future” is no longer a 20 or 50 years later event. We are probably talking about 2 to 5 years. What is considerably good that we can aim to receive 20 years down the road? Until we determine that, how else can we work or pine for our dreams to come true.

Unless one has a childhood dream that continuously resonate as the he grows up, it is not surprising to change ambitions along the way.  Rock stars, super models and celebrity chefs are high profiled aspirations gleaned from watching the telly. Whichever is the highest rating program will determine the top aspired profession to be. But how do we work towards being a sensational star? What’s the magic formula? Sugar, spice and everything nice are just not sufficient. There still has to be a Chemical X to be added to the mixture. Of course, one still need a smile from Lady Luck to be a shining star on cloud 9.  What happen to “determination and “hard work”? Apparently, being determined is not good enough and hard work will just be hard work.

Coming back to first having to setting the dream, what is really a worthy dream to have? Are successful career, spouse and family, materialistic possessions and the combination of them still the post-modernist’s dreams?  I think many of us might have stopped dreaming. The hustle of daily routines and datelines has probably demolished any castles in the air.  The occasional reward of an extended holiday and a few pairs of branded shoes kept us all herding towards the cliff of mid-life crisis.

One day, the proverbial alarm clock will hopefully ring and we will wake up with a train of thoughts – Am I happy? What do I really want? Can I run away from where I am to where I want to be? For many, they might fall back to the routine slumber. For some, they will finally take charge of their lives and charged towards their goals. Unfortunately, that might mean to give up their long established career, family and possessions. That is a tough or even harsh thing to do but it might be the right thing to do. It is very debateable and highly dependent on the responsibility quotient.

How about leaning against the philosophical column? Being happy, loved and contented shall be the mantra! Unless you want a dream painted in pastel colours, I say that is just not good enough to sustain the fire from burning.

Is there such a thing as a bad dream or a wrong dream to have? Moral or religious influence might cast a huge shadow in some areas that it seems better to die to those dreams than to attempt to even take a sniff of them, unless your ultimate dream is to be an outcast of your current society.

Having said all the above, it seems like a chore to have a dream and yet a curse not to have one. I guess I can only dream to have dreams…come true!

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why are the skies blue and the field green?
why is the sun always shining and the moon looking like a sideway grin?
its brightness call me to the delights of the night,
my mum said nothing good ever occurs after midnight.
but that is when you are at your bravest and you shine with great might.

i cannot stay away,
the colors the light.
like a moth to the flame,
a dance in my flight.
i will burn for things i do under this shadow and not let you out of my sight.

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“Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don’t over-analyse your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.”  – Leo F. Buscaglia

I used to harbour the notion that the more I care about a particular someone, the more I would have expection of him. I realised that is just based on my rules which might not apply to him. People uses different languages to express their love, care and concern. Constant questioning of the value of the relationship might not only introduce strains, it will cause disillusion.

But shall I just accept who people are, without any shred of expectations? Don’t think I can or I will just let it just be. After all, isn’t the relationship between two person a bilateral connection? While I seek to understand, I need to be understood, too. Hopefully, overtime, both parties will be familiar to each other’s language of love.

It’s never going to be perfect. Hence, I shall seek to be contented with what I experienced and have faith.